A lot of work goes into making a household run smoothly, and the thread that runs through all the labor is money. It含羞草研究社檚 money that makes it possible to fix a broken appliance, enroll the kids in summer camp and save up to replace the aging car. The mental load of money can be heavy. It含羞草研究社檚 made up of those endless invisible tasks we engage in, and the future tasks we lie awake at night thinking about.

含羞草研究社淚 think it is important to mention the emotional weight that comes with worrying about money. Do we have enough for rent next month? Are we saving enough for college?含羞草研究社� Kate Mangino, author of 含羞草研究社淓qual Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home,含羞草研究社� said in an email. 含羞草研究社淭hose kinds of worries tend to chip away at our emotional health, especially if we think our partner doesn含羞草研究社檛 share this worry, and we含羞草研究社檙e alone in carrying that weight.含羞草研究社�

When it comes to the mental load of managing financial responsibilities, couples can fall into unproductive patterns that can lead to conflict, resentment and even willful ignorance. If money management feels unbalanced in your relationship, here are some ways to rethink your routine.

APPROACH MONEY AS EQUALS

If one person takes on most or all money tasks, there can be a tendency to fall into a manager/follower dynamic, which can create a power imbalance in your relationship.

Additionally, when one person is in charge and the other does tasks as assigned without understanding the full picture, it can leave that second person in the dark. 含羞草研究社淭he person who is 含羞草研究社榮pared含羞草研究社� having to think about this stuff will become less financially literate over time,含羞草研究社� Scott Rick, author of 含羞草研究社淭ightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships,含羞草研究社� said in an email. 含羞草研究社淭his will leave them especially vulnerable if the relationship ends, either through divorce or the death of their partner.含羞草研究社�

Equality doesn含羞草研究社檛 mean each person must be 50% responsible for every task, or even that you each take on 50% of tasks, but rather that you acknowledge that in your shared success.

LIST AND ASSIGN MONEY TASKS

Schedule a money date or two to make a comprehensive financial to-do list. Who is responsible for which task currently, and how did it become their responsibility? Should any of these tasks be switched to the other person? Is anything not getting done?

Break down each task into a list of subtasks. Let含羞草研究社檚 say you both want to work with a financial planner, and one of you takes responsibility for finding one. Those subtasks can be:

含羞草研究社� Get three names of financial planners that meet your shared requirements (such as a fee-only planner, or someone with specific professional credentials).

含羞草研究社� Contact those planners to inquire whether they含羞草研究社檙e taking on new clients.

含羞草研究社� Schedule consultations at a time that含羞草研究社檚 also convenient for your spouse or partner, and prepare any needed financial documents in advance of those meetings.

含羞草研究社淚t is important to recognize that managing money is only one of many tasks required to run a household, so these types of conversations should not happen in isolation,含羞草研究社� Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands, a community that shares ideas to manage money and the home as a team, said in an email. 含羞草研究社淏e considerate of the other household burdens you each tackle.含羞草研究社�

OWN YOUR TASKS FROM START TO FINISH

As you list your tasks, discuss what 含羞草研究社渄one含羞草研究社� looks like for each. Set parameters, a budget and other expectations. Then, you each select tasks to accomplish on your own, with periodic check-ins.

Some tasks are complicated, but take them one step at a time. This is not the time for weaponized incompetence (though, in a partnership, it含羞草研究社檚 never a good move to feign incompetence to get out of a responsibility). If you含羞草研究社檙e stuck on a subtask, you can talk about it when you check in with each other.

含羞草研究社淩emember 含羞草研究社� everything money related is a skill, and skills can be learned. There含羞草研究社檚 no 含羞草研究社業含羞草研究社檓 just bad with money含羞草研究社� excuse,含羞草研究社� Mangino said. 含羞草研究社淵ou just need to prioritize learning that skill, and practice. And practice. And in time, you get better.含羞草研究社�

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